Middle Age

 Yo! Middle Age!

You look up at the stage and what do you see? 
        A fat little woman!
            Yo! That's me!
I got snow on my roof,
    and if you need more proof,
        I got wrinkles on my face.
            Hell, they're all over the place.

Yo! Yo! Yo! Middle age!
Oy! Oy! Oy! Middle age!

Boobs start drooping,

No longer a girl's prow.

Don't laugh men, your bits will soon dangle like udders on a cow.

Arms aren't long enough

    to see the writing on the wall.

Now it's bifocals to read,

    and hearing aids to hear

        a singing bird's call.

Sitting on the floor

    is no longer balm for the soul.

To rise up again you need a stout pole.

Yo! Yo! Yo! Middle age!

Oy! Oy! Oy! Middle age!

Aloha arms have wave hello and goodbye.

Brown Posts emerge and skin goes dry.

Sex becomes arid, say hi to KY.

Leering at the young is not to be done.

Labelled cougar and dirty old man

    just for having your fun.

Skin goes thin,

    joints start to ache,

        newly brittle bones threaten to break.

Time marches onward

    like a rabid pit bull pup.

Hey! I've fallen and I can't get up!

Yo! Yo! Yo! Middle age!

Oy! Oy! Oy! Middle age!

Hair will sprout in new and strange places.

Time puts us through some brand new paces.

Less time is left; so much more left behind;

    But I'm pretty sure you will find

        Even though aging is not always so kind

            It's good to look back and laugh at your youth;

helped out, perhaps, with some gin and vermouth.

Yo! Yo! Yo! Middle age!

Oy! Oy! Oy! Middle age!